I'm going to take a friends advice and just write, even when I think I don't have anything to write about. Lately, it hasn't been inspiration, but a lack of motivation and a perceived lack of time. I write "perceived", because I think it's a bullshit excuse when people say they don't have the time. You make time for things you give a shit about. Just say you don't want to do it, because that's essentially what you're saying by your inaction.
Today is Ascension Thursday (how did I not know how to spell that until I ran the spell checker?). That's when Jesus went to heaven after he rose from the dead. It's also a holy day of obligation. I went to mass on my lunch break. I began to wonder what it looked like. I mean, we've seen the paintings of him rising majestically above the apostles, but what was his rate of ascent? Did he kind of pause and then shoot off Neo-style? Did it look like an alien abduction, like he was in a tractor beam? I tried to think about him ascending slowly and gracefully, but it just looks awkward in my mind. Like he would keep looking up, and looking down again and waving and then the apostles would all look at each other like, "Should we go... I don't really have anything else planned, buuutttt..." and then they would look up and wave with a half smile. "Bye, Jesus. See you soon! Wait, see you soon? Am I...?" It would be weird right? After a while, Thomas would be saying, "I think I can still see him! oh wait, no I don't. Wait! Yes I do, that little dot next to the cloud. No, the cloud that looks like a dragon. No, left of that. Yeah, where his wing would be if it was half folded back. Oh, now he's gone, never mind."
I ran into two friends from high school today. They are sisters and they aren't on Facebook. It truly made me appreciate my last post and Facebook too. I felt like I had lost a sense. Like I was suddenly thrown into a pitch black room. Usually, I'm all up to speed when I run into someone that I know: Kids, marital status, employment, etc. I have no idea what either of them have been doing for the last 10 years! Turns out one works here at the same hospital I do. The other one reported that she has kidney stones. I was on my way to the aforementioned lunchtime mass and they were dealing with calcium deposits, so that's all I know! I felt so empty! I wanted to ask them a million questions. Facebook always lets you think you have more time. I'll drop them a quick note later, or at least stalk their pics to figure out what they've been up to! Not this time! They just faded right back into the abyss of my memory. Real life is officially more surreal than FB! Now I haven't seen or talked to them in over a decade and all of a sudden I miss them. I hope they are doing well and happy. I hope sister #2's kidney stones pass soon. I hope they were as excited to see me as I them. I've started to hear myself writing in Morgan Freeman's voice, so I'm going to stop.
Oh, one more thing! The greatest blog ever has returned. I mean its always been there, it just hasn't been updated in a long time. Hyperbole and a Half! If you enjoy reading this blog, prepare to have your face melt off. I'm warning you, DO NOT READ IT AT WORK! Your colleagues will think you are having some kind of laughing seizure. If you don't heed my warning, at least promise you won't read anything about her dogs until you are home. alone. with the windows shut.